Everybody clear off my lawn!

I think I know why some old people can be so stereotypically outspoken and cranky...they must not feel well!
And neither do I so listen up youngsters I have some complaining to do!
This Tylenol is keeping my fever down for now, but I don't know for how long so let me speak my peace while I've got the gumption.
In my day when a girl got sick she got sick with 24 hour influenza, you threw up a little, bit a wooden spoon, ran around the block a couple of times and you were fit as a fiddle.
Now these newfangled flus are downright indecent if you ask me. Your throat (hah! throat, if you can call it that, I call it the devil's closet! Where the sins of the wicked sit and fester.) What's left of your throat is so sore you have to chew your water and forget about pills! Wont fit down your pipe, no room.
Get your rest you say? fiddle sticks! How can you when you aren't allowed to breathe the night air without waking up with a fit.
Fever! Chills! Balder all!
I'm tired, I'm going to bed, but you can tell that nice Mr President (from me) that he has a problem to fix and he better up and fix it! I don't want to catch him drinking tea with foreign dignitaries or fiddlin' with the taxes when this poor she devil can't get bodily peace enough to swallow her oats!
You tell him that. And then thank him for his time, I won't have any one saying that I have forgotten my manners.

*I have a Dr's appointment today at 2:00 and as I am not leaving there until they give me medicine (and it better be something fierce) I look forward to regaining my composure, my senses, and your friendship in time.)